Saturday, October 17, 2009

The day I got dumped over fishing

By Sherri Russell

I have heard quite often of women dumping men over their passions for hunting and fishing.  “honey, you just don’t spend a lot of time with me” or “you should want to be with me more than your desire to hunt or fish” and “hunting and fishing seems to be much more important to you and me”.  Well, let me tell you something ladies…I know exactly how these men feel now.   I just got dumped over my passion for fishing and nothing hits your self-esteem quite as hard as getting dumped.  The fact is that I probably could have avoided my heart ache if I would have exercised better communication and not have kept my problems bottled up inside so he could have had a better understanding of what I was going through at that time.

Recently, I have lost a lot of real estate to do our poor economy.  Most of my tenants lost their jobs and could not pay their rent any longer.  When you get ten houses at a time in this same situation, the owner has to pay the mortgages on their own, and after a few months it can be financially devastating to say the least.  So, I found fishing to be a great stress reliever. 

I discovered that fishing took me away from all the crap I was forced to deal with and it gave me a day of happiness as well.  I love being in the outdoors surrounded by nature.  I found it to be so serene.  I found the thrill of catching and landing a big fish to be awesome.  It is also challenging to learn different fishing techniques for different types of water and fish species.  I found myself fishing more and more as my techniques improved. 

Then one day, my boyfriend got fed up with my absence and asked me why I would rather spend eight hours a day with a guide and fish instead of spending time with him.  I explained that my newly found passion for fishing was a personal thing with me and it did not mean that I did not care for him.  He wanted to be with someone that wanted to spend all their spare time with him.  He said that he put me first and wanted me to do the same for him in return.  I don’t personally think that is healthy for any relationship - we all need time for ourselves to grow as individuals and in my case to heal.  

We all react to certain situations differently - based on our needs, wants and experiences; such as experiencing some type of loss, heart ache, love, children, success, friendships, jobs, death, illness etc. - it is called growing and discovering ourselves.  Life is like a huge class room where we never stop learning it's lessons and we can learn from them and adapt positively or skip out and be ignorant, miserable and negative towards them.  I choose to be positive even if it is hard, not only for myself, but for my son.  Children tend to "do as you do", "not as you say" - be careful, they are always is not always fair.

So, let me tell you something ladies, just because a man hunts and fishes, does not mean that they do not love you….they may just need a stress reliever from everyday life on their own or with buddies to feel better as a person.  So, please think twice before you judge or assume the worst with your man because he may like to hunt or fish.

Nothing hits your self-esteem quite as hard as getting dumped.  But surprisingly, most people say they don’t know why they were dumped.  While this may true, more often than not the writing was on the wall, and if you failed to read it, then you can expect to suffer through this scenario many more times.   To help prevent another ugly break up, try to avoid the 5 most common reasons people dumped.
Note: You won’t find cheating on here.  That one should be obvious enough.

We spend time with our partner because they make us happy, even when everything else is going wrong.  In some cases however, the relationship provides more negativity than the rest of our lives.  Constantly complaining about your work, money, and family is a surefire why to drive your ex away.  There is plenty of negativity at our jobs and on the news; we don’t need any more in our spare time.

Romance5 Reasons You Got Dumped
…or lack there of.  So many relationships end because the romance and passion dies.  The initial stages of dating are filled with flowers, love notes, and surprise visits.  As time goes on however, we start to take things for granted and forget to share our feelings.  This can spiral into a deep disconnection, but it is also an easy fix.  Make sure you are doing the little things to remind your lover how much they mean to you.

Everyone thinks they are a good listener, and that is probably because they have never had a conversation with themselves.  Think back to your conversations with your ex.  Did you ask many questions?  Do you remember what he or she said?  Asking questions is an indicator of a good listener as it shows a desire to become more involved with the conversation.  You can also try being quiet for a little while, just to make sure your partner has had an opportunity to speak.  Remember that communication is the lifeblood of a good relationship.

There is indeed too much of a good thing, especially when it prevents growth in a relationship.  Did you give your ex enough space?  Did they have ample opportunities to go out with their friends and co-workers alone?  It is important to have some “me time” when dating.  It not only allows us to keep a healthy social balance, but it also gives us an opportunity to appreciate what we come home to.  You can’t miss someone if they are always around.

Quality Time
There is a big difference between time spent together and quality time.  If you lived with your ex and the only time you saw each other was right before you went to bed, then this is a good example of no quality time.  We devote so much time to outside commitments like work and school that it can seem like we have no time left to give.  But you will only get out of a relationship what you put into it.  This might mean sacrificing free time or rearranging busy schedules, but you can’t expect your partner to wait for you forever.  We all need love and attention.  If we don’t find it in one relationship, then we will seek it out in another.

Everyone makes mistakes, but only those who learn from them ever succeed in avoiding the same result.  By understanding why your ex left you, you can make sure your next relationship doesn't face the same fate.


Anonymous said...

Very good advice Sherri!

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