Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Learn How To Take Charge Of Your Life and Make Things Happen

After reading a few self help books or listening to a few episodes of female talk shows, most women realize that in order to change things in your life you need to take control of it. But taking charge of your life might seem to be a bit hard at first, because life might appear to be out of our control. But there’s an easy short cut to taking control of your current circumstances and steering them into a new direction: a direction that serves you and empowers you. This short cut might seem completely unrelated to your current unfavorable circumstances, but once you apply it in your life you will see how quickly things will begin to shift and the things you want will just start to unfold for you. The trick is to let go of your old story.

Everyone does it on occasion: we tell people our story and make ourselves sound pitiful. Sometimes we do it because we want advice, we want to be comforted, or we want people to know where we are coming from. But the truth of the matter is that our story does not define us and really doesn’t serve our highest good either. But how exactly do you know if you carrying around a victim’s story and if you are, how do you stop telling over and over again? The first step is to recognize the moments where you tell your story, then to just stop telling this bad rep of yours, and finally to replace it with a new and fulfilling story. Let’s see how we can do that.

Recognize What Your Story Is


The first step to taking charge of your current situation and making a change is to recognize that you may be spouting off a negative story about yourself. I cannot assume that every person carries a bad story along with them. However, let me explain what this story sometimes sounds like and try to see if you have ever heard anyone else tell you such a story. After you recognize it in other people then you are more likely to see this story in your own interactions with people. Let’s take the example of Susan, she is 35, single, overweight and lost her job recently due to her company downsizing. If you just met her she would tell you these facts or a combination of them. She might say “I’m just one of those unlucky people, you know how it is.” Or she might say that she never loved her job anyways and that the gym membership was always too expensive. Or she might explain that she chose to be single because it suits her lifestyle, in an apologetic and “don’t worry about me” kind of way. She might not say these things to everyone, but every now and then these things that she is unhappy about would creep into the conversation.

Although you may not be in the same situation as Susan, you might find yourself telling people that you were never good at Mathematics, or that you just don’t get finance. You might tell people that your kids are your only focus in life and that’s the way you like it. These may not be bad things in themselves, but you should not make excuses for yourself and you should certainly not be telling other people about these shortcomings of yours. Remember that whatever you say consistently becomes reality. So the more often you tell people your story, the stronger it gets and the more it multiplies. If you are always complaining about your weight, just watch the weight add on. If you always blame others for the problems in your life, watch how these other people will continue to create problems for you to “deal with.”

Stop Telling People Your Story


Now that you might have realized that your story is not supporting you it is time to let it go. Consider the analogy of the chair: your story is like carrying a heavy chair with you everywhere that you go. You might bump into things, get stuck trying to pass through doorways, hit other people with it, not to mention just get tired of carrying it around. You might start showing it to people and saying “do you see my chair?” and “how do you like my chair?” or “this is my chair, it is always there with me.” People will definitely get sick of you talking about your chair, especially since they can clearly see the chair and you describing it just makes it worse. If you put yourself in the position of the observer you will see that you know about the chair but talking about it over and over again is annoying. So how do you get rid of your old story? You just stop carrying the chair around with you.

This might sound overly simple. And it sort of is! One practical technique to stop carrying your story around with you is to write down your usual story. Just write it all down once in your notebook, journal or on your computer. Then take the piece of paper or the file and “put it away.” You can put it in an envelope or you can file it in your file cabinet or save it in a folder on your computer. Don’t look at it again. And make a pact with yourself never to tell that story again. It might be hard at first not to revert to old habits. But you can stop yourself mid-sentence if you have to. In fact you will find that to stop telling your old story it is easiest to start telling a new one.

Start a New Story About Yourself


Now this is the fun part! You get to decide what your new story will be. Take some time for yourself, get into your pajamas or an uplifting outfit and sit down with a pen and paper or your computer and write your new story. You don’t have to be an excellent writer to do this. You don’t have to make your story poetic or epic, but you can if you want to. Decide on what is important to you in your life. There are several different aspects of life that you should write about too, not just your career or your finances. For example you should write about how amazing each of these aspects of your life really are: your relationships, your health, your career, your finances, your connection with nature, your creative side, your home, your food program, your friends, your family and so on. Write everything you want right now in the present tense. Remember that this is your new story, your new way of life and it is a reality. It is replacing your old story and it will move you toward these goals faster than you would ever imagine.

Write everything you want to experience right now. Our example lady Susan could write something along these lines: I wake up every day beside my wonderful and supportive husband, I exercise for 45 minutes before sitting down to a wonderful breakfast of fresh fruits. Then I drive my new car to my new job at Wonderful Company, where I am head of marketing and I work with the brightest and nicest people. I have more money than I could ever spend or count and I love going on vacations with my husband every few months.

Of course you would want to make your new story even longer and more in depth. And the next time that someone asks you any questions, just tell them your new story. This is not considered lying, if Susan were to tell someone that she is in the process of relocating to a Head of Marketing position, no one would deny this fact. On the contrary, they might offer their suggestions or contact information for someone who might be able to help Susan get such a position. Similarly if Susan said that she is starting a new exercise regime, the person would commend her on making such positive changes in her life and maybe even offer some advice or encouragement. Everyone can use a little bit more encouragement, so I think that telling people about your new goals is always a great way to boost your confidence and motivate yourself. Of course you should not say that you are a billionaire already, since people might react strongly to that one. But certainly telling them about some of your tamer visions is going to elicit lots of helpful comments from people.



-Look at your conversations in the new few weeks and recognize that you may be telling a negative story.

-Drop the story right away!

-Replace your old negative story with a new positive one. Dig deep to find your true passions and desires.

Just watch what happens in your life after you implement these simple changes in your communications with others.

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