Friday, November 6, 2009
7:14 AM Brent Vanderstelt
I have had many friends come and go throughout my lifetime at the young age of forty four.
I have often wondered why men and women share the same views on some topics and vary so drastically on others. It has always seemed to me, with past experiences, that women are better at multiple friendships than men.
Women will often venture outside the rubber band and have multiple friends, both men and women, and all for different reasons. They can have friends for shopping, friends with children, friends to confide in, friends for social, friends for specific interests, etc.
Men tend to have those few staple long life buddies that they would do any and all of these things with and only them, and they don’t tend to wonder outside the rubber band.
Holy cow! When both men and women become friends, the rubber band sometimes tends to expand and contract until it weakens and breaks and someone gets hurt “snap”! Why is this? A friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – whether male or female.
I often wonder why is it that if a decent looking woman is friendly to a man they automatically think they are attracted to them sexually? Why is it when a man once discovers that the woman is not attracted to him, he will shy away and won’t want to be close friends with that woman any longer? Why is it so difficult for many men and women to be long term friends without one being attracted to the other? I have so many questions unanswered and this whole friendship thing between men and women really confuses me.
Just because a woman may not be attracted to a certain man does not make him unworthy. Each person has their own attributes that attract them to the opposite sex, and sometimes we have it and sometimes we don’t.
As a woman myself, I love having men for friends, we share different interests that I may get from other women within my area, for example, fly fishing. I don’t know very many women where I reside that fly fish, so most of my fishing companions are men, and I absolutely have a great time with all of them.
I know, I know…men are from Mars and women are from Venus…blah, blah. But really folks! Why can’t most men and women just respect each other for who they are and be long term friends without getting being sexual…sex, sex, and more sex…I know statistically that men think about sex every 3 seconds, and that’s ok, but they don’t need to think about it with their female “buddies”. Really, show some restraint people! Also, by the time their female buddy finds someone that interests them sexually (a boyfriend), their male friends tend to get hurt, upset and strays....leaving the woman confused and wondering what has she done?
Just because a female may have a boyfriend or husband, does not mean that they don’t want to continue their friendships and future experiences with their existing male friends. This situation happens to me quite often and it upsets me, and I often start to second guess myself in regards to kindness and respect…then I think – wait just a minute! I am not being rude or unloyal to my male friends just because I want a significant other, I can schedule events and outings just like a man can if he has a wife. I am a great person and I am fun to be around. I can contribute to many great future memories, but my male friends will chose to limit themselves from me because I choose to date someone other than them.
I wish more men would put aside their personal feelings and take a look at the bigger picture…such as great friendships and great experiences in life. Life is too short and we should all live it without regret – both men and women! Together, we can keep that rubber band in tact!
To all of my male friends out there, and you know who you are, I would like to say this;
You are one of the best things that's ever happened to me. And every day that goes by, it seems like I discover something new about you to like. It's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life. You touch my heart in a way I never knew before in regards to friendship. It's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life. Thank you for being my friend.
Has anyone else had similar experiences out there? If so, I would to hear your experiences and or advise, please comment below.